0 comments / Posted on by Erin Gates

Where do I even begin? Let me set the scene for you–me and three gay men on my sofa, inhaling lasagna, cookies and wine and shouting at the tv. THAT was the highlight of this awkward, awful hot mess of a show. Filming my living room would have been more entertaining and better fashion (ooooooooh, snap).

A couple grand blanket statements before we get to the fashion:

1) Social Network was good, but not THAT GOOD. It was a movie, whereas Black Swan and King’s Speech were films. And what was with all Mark Zuckerberg brown nosing??? The Swan was robbed.

2) Ricky Gervais is hilarious, but he was walking a fine line that made us all look at each other with slight cringes and looks of “was that funny offensive or just offensive?) We were pretty sure Angelina was going to request a goblet of his blood be delivered to her table after his opening Tourist jokes.

3) The best moment of the night was hearing the way TIlda Swinton said “Pillars of the Earth”. It was repeated many, many times by our peanut gallery  “Who wants more wine?” was answered with”The Pillllaaaarrs….of…..the….Eaaaaaaarrrrrrtttthhhhh” Still laughing.

4) Did anyone else find Robert DeNiro’s speech to be really strange??

5) I want to start a petition for Robert Downey Jr. to host the Oscars.

OK, enough of that, let’s get to what was the worst red carpet EVER. No really, ever. A sea of the same colors and lots of unflattering cuts made me think it was 1987 all over again.

There were a couple I liked so we”ll start with those:

Claire Danes looked classy, radiant and beautiful in this hot pink Calvin Klein. I love the cut, the color and the way it fits her. I may have done a bigger earring, but overall I thought she looked amazing (and her interaction with the real Temple Grandin brought some tears)

Emma Stone wowed us- in fact from far away I thought it was Kate Bosworth. Her simple gown in that gorgeous coral color was magnificent…but again, a dramatic earring or bracelets would have made this look super WOW. I am all for understated but a little glam matched with something simple makes a look memorable.

Eva Longoria looked classic, sexy and is queen of making dresses look like they were painted on her. I feel like we kind of have seen this look on her before, but the girl is going through some drama so playing it a tad safe is fine…especially when you look this good doing it.

Hailey is only 14 years old and yet she looked more elegant than a lot of the veterans did! Love that she wore a youthful ponytail with the gorgeously simple dress.

Piper Perabo was nominated for some show I’ve never heard of. I can’t help but think of “Coyote Ugly” when I see her. This was the only use of a big bow that looked quite elegant. Her hair and makeup were fabulous.

There’s a lot going on with the pleating and ruffles on this dress, but otherwise I love Kyra’s choice of color paired with the green/turquoise earring and again, a ponytail! I think she looks comfortable, happy and fun.

Speaking of color, I loved Amy Adams’ deep blue gown. A bit too many ruffles for this gal, but overall she looked lovely.

Sofia Vergara always looks so va-va-voom and in this red number she certainly….filled it out!  But I feel like she should try something subdued and darker next time, like this ombre Lhuillier.

Now moving into the “so-so” category where things almost went right- along with the dresses I would have picked for these stars.

Olivia Wilde looked like a princess in her Marchesa (a bit much, but pretty)- and I loved the color and detail of it- but then when she lifted up her skirt to show off her Laboutins it ruined it for me. First of all, you gown has metallic silver on it, so wear silver shoes, plus, the studs and tough silhouette of this shoe is ALL WRONG.

I would have put Olivia in this Reem Acra- the color would make her eyes pop and with some amazing earrings and SIMPLE shoes she would look young but so elegant.

Up next is Anne Hathaway- this look was SO CLOSE but you will never get me on board with puffy sleeves and shoulder pads. If this dress had sleek shoulders it would have been my favorite.

I would have loved to see Annie in something equally sleek but less trendy, like this Monique Lhullier

Julie Bowen’s dress washed her out so much and she’s such a wonderfully funny woman. A smidge of color might have brightened things up for her.

Mila Kunis is so beautiful and while her dress was lovely, I thought ti was a bit stiff for her. I’d have loved to see her in this bright Lanvin number with movement and flow!

Now for the things I REALLY didn’t like:

Leighton Meester is too young for this grandma looking dress!!! I’d love to see her in a youthful Lhuillier (sans tights!) with her hair up, big earrings and killer heels (perhaps with a small print on them?)

Angelina looked like she raided the wardrobe from the Golden Girls! Those shoulder pads! I know she loves draping so I’d love to see her in something like this:

Enough with the ball gowns Lea Michelle- loosen up, like with this bold but sleek David Meister.

Halle Berry is the HOTNESS- but she didn’t need to shove it in our faces with this stripper inspired dress. I’d love to see her show off her killer figure in something formfitting but more elegant!

Oh boy. I adore Natalie, but this dress was the woooooorst. That applique with the stem and the cheap looking pink satin? Totally not at all what I thought she would wear! I can;t imagine being pregnant and having to dress for the Globes but I also love when a woman shows off her bump instead of hides it under flowing layers or does something short and adorable. I think Natalie looked her best when she wore that black lace dress with her cropped hair way back in the day and so I can imagine she would look so chic in this Valentino with a huge, blingy statement necklace.

Sandra is awesome, but this look was so…strange! The dress may have looked better with sleek hair and those bangs out of her eyes! She looked like a sheepdog. I think it would be fun for Sandra to wear this hippie-ish Elie Saab!

Don’t get me started on these daisies. I cannot believe she wore this after that amazeballs yellow dress years ago! I would have rather she did something short and shimmery like this Valentino!

January tried a little too hard with the Versace. We know you have boobs, no need to put them on display like that! I know she likes to take a risk, but this elegant Jason Wu would be a tasteful way to do it.

J.Lo. That cape? That silvery white eyeshadow? BIG bomb. She’s at her best when she keeps it sexy but simple- like with this deep plunge Halston. With big earrings, bangles and some metallic sparky heels I’d love it!

Heidi looked ridiculous in this Marc Jacobs mess. She glows on her own but this heavily beaded gemstone gown with some sleek hair would have been traffic stopping on her!

Nicole Kidman was SO boring in her vanilla Prada. Wouldn’t she look a little looser (especially since she stopped the Botox) and amazing in a skirt and top combo like this?

And the WORST of the night- Scarlett. What happened??? This is not what you wear after you’ve kick a man like Ryan Reynolds out of bed and served him divorce papers (see Eva Longoria for how to do it right). This whole thing was a disaster. She is such a gorgeous woman, why, why, why?

See a resemblance tot he bride of Frankenstein?

I think she should have gone with old school glamour like this sequin Elie Saab or Oscar de La Renta- sleek golden curls and a nice glow would make her look as stunning as she actually is!

And the most jaw dropping person at the Globes….killer suit, smile and smoldering stare. Edwaaaaaaard:)

What did you think?


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